nightlight

i love you

i have loved you
every month of every year
every week of every month
every day of every week
every hour of every day
every minute of every hour
every second of every minute

every   h e a r t  b e a t  of my life
since i met you

-

i want you by my side
for ever and eternity
brilliant as summer sun
bonfires in autumn and
fortytwo stars burning in outer space

my own secret nightlight

-

but like anything that shines
you create shadows
and it always seems that the shadow falls on me
i could never be good enough for you

and when you leave
and the light flicks off
everything seems so much blacker than before
and i’m suffocating
drowning in the darkness
with no-one to save me

-

you make me feel like nothing
a cobweb thin shadow
and who ever notices their shadow?
always there  but useless
charcoal black and crumbling
do you notice me?
hiding in the corner
sick with self-loathing
skin crawling
when i’m with you

and i want to cry, or laugh
your brilliance is so perfect but it brings out the worst in me

-

when you notice me
and try to share your dreams with me,
soapbubble wishes and fragile fantasies,
i’m so afraid to share them
sure that with one touch
i’ll taint, i’ll break them
but i pretend i have dreams like that, too
pretend i believe in things like hope and life and justice
maybe that will make you see me
i’m slipslipsliding in a makebelieve

and one day i’ll fall, i’ll fade
because no-one can save a shadow from the sunlight

-

i’m running to catch up with you and
your technicolour dreams and big ideas
even though i know
you deserve so much more than
me
and beside you i am nothing
but without you
i’m not even that

please don’t live too fast
i’m scared of getting left behind

-

so i’ll stay invisible in the darkness
where i can’t be seen

and carry on loving you